UPLIFT LOGO
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone
0

Using Projection to Understand Yourself and Others

By Pamela Bohan, RP, CGT on Sunday December 20th, 2015

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone
 
0
What we can learn from people we dont likeWhat we can learn from people we dont like

How seeing your shadow in others can lead to deeper connections and personal evolution

Humans use the power of projection every day. Inventors imagine new inventions the world has never seen, musicians write songs no ears have ever heard, and artists paint pictures that exist only in their mind. Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships, we tend to use projection in negative ways, especially when it comes to putting the blame on someone else during an argument! But what if we truly understood the power of projection to cultivate empathy and create space for healing within and with others?

How Projection impacts our Perception

If you’ve ever said to yourself or to another person, “I would never act, say or do that” you were projecting.

In the following piece, Gestalt Therapist Pamela Bohan describes how a proper use of projection can lead to healthy boundaries and deeper connections. And we might even be able to learn something from people we don’t like:

Projection is one thing that people do that continues to fascinate me in my practice and provides a deep well of information for my patients. In essence it is the act putting something of yourself onto the environment. The environment includes other people, animals, inanimate objects and even our culture. Projection impacts the perception of ourselves and the world around us.

As a concept it seems simple enough, however, as a neurosis it is done without awareness and is difficult to spot in ourselves. Often, by way of projection, we are rejecting something we have difficulty accepting in ourselves and it can be painful to acknowledge so the resistance can be strong. If you’ve ever said to yourself or to another person, “I would never act, say or do that” you were projecting. Arrogance, deceit, calculation, aggression and spite are the root of many annoyances and atrocities committed by people. These traits are part of our humanity that every human has the potential to demonstrate given the right conditions.

Projection is how we are able to empathize with each otherProjection is how we are able to empathize with each other

From Projection to Empathy

Before we dive too deep into reclaiming our darkest traits it is important to consider how projection benefits us or, what we would call in the Gestalt Therapy tradition, a health boundary disturbance. First of all, projection is an important part of creativity. Most artists and visionaries are good projectors. You can not create something that you do not already posses yourself. In fact many artists come to understand that they are exploring aspects of themselves through their work even if it is not their intent at the time of their creation.

Projection is also how we are able to empathize. We actually project what we imagine someone is feeling in a situation on to them whether or not it’s true. We put ourselves in their shoes. This goes a long way towards relating with other people. This type of projection has a dark side too, particularly if we are making choices for others or holding ourselves back without checking in first, and can lead to a lot of second guessing or contrived behaviour.

Imagine what a first date might be like for someone who neurotically projects in this way. If you have a solid relationship with someone you can gain insight and relief by directly asking to confirm your projections. It’s incredible to find out that something you’re worrying about isn’t even on your friend or family member’s mind.

One of the best opportunities for working with projection is considering people we don’t like. It’s just a reality that some people just rub us the wrong way. Don’t get too hung up on it because there are people who don’t like you either. Some may chalk this up to unresolvable differences but when you take projection into consideration it may boil down to rejected similarities. We often feel dislike for people who embody traits that we don’t like to own up to in ourselves.

Alt text hereAre we projecting our own self image onto others?

Projecting our Negative Traits onto Others

Projecting is a way to dissociate or keep at distance something we find distasteful that we have rejected because it disrupts our self image. The need to maintain this self image is usually born out of a need to create a sense of stability at a time in our development when the environment wasn’t stable and we were still dependant on that environment. Another unfortunate aspect of unhealthy projection is that it cuts us off from aspects of ourselves that we need to meet our environment.

Can you imagine the good use of a so called negative trait like arrogance? Or deceit? Arrogance might be what you need to take a risk or demand your due. Deceit would be helpful in planning a surprise birthday party. Or in a life or death situation to protect an innocent person, such as Jewish children who were placed in gentile homes during the second world war. Despite this we are unlikely to describe ourselves to others as arrogant or deceitful.

A very common thing to do is to project negative traits about our parents on to others. In the moment it is unlikely you will have the knowledge that this is what you are doing, although a sign might be conflict or resentment. It can take some digging around to find out exactly what it is about the non-parent person that is reminding you of your parent. Sometimes it can be the sound of someone’s voice, the style of their hair or something less tangible like their attitude.

We also project positive traits onto people that remind us of people we like (including our parents, because they have good traits too!). Of course this means we behave differently around people depending on who we are projecting on to them. Of course there are some people who make good screens for our projections. Authority figures make great projection screens. Ever have a boss you didn’t like? Likely you had some negative projections.

Face your own shadowsSeeing your traits in others can help bring your shadows into the open

An Opportunity to Explore your Shadow

As you can imagine working with projection can get quite layered and can really effect relationships, particularly if you consider that people you are projecting onto are projecting on to you! What this all points to is how strongly our perception of now can be impacted by the past.

Now what you’ve all been waiting for- there is always some truth to projection. Maybe even since you began reading this article you’ve been saying to yourself, “that guy really is a jerk, it has nothing to do with me.” It’s very likely true that he behaves like a jerk sometimes. And isn’t great that he’s giving you the opportunity to explore a shadow aspect of yourself?

Experiment

  • Think of a person you dislike.
  • Now identify a few traits about that person that bother you. Are they bossy? Rude? Gregarious? Controlling
  • Speak the traits out loud by completing the statement “I am…” For example “I am controlling.”
  • After you’ve said them out loud it’s likely you felt strongly about one or two of them.
  • Pick one.
  • Repeat the statement “I am…”
  • Now ask yourself when is this true about you? How do avoid being this way? Is there any place in your life that you could use more of this trait but you are fearful of being that way?
  • Notice what happens with your feeling and your body during this experiment. If you’ve had some strong feelings or resistance you may have touched the surface of a deeply disowned part of yourself and are on your way to reclaiming it.
Alt text hereUncovering our traits in others

Projection for Healing and Personal Evolution

It seems there is a lot we can learn from projection, especially the pieces of ourselves that are only revealed when we notice them in others. In this way, projection provides us with an opportunity to learn from people we don’t like – or if we put it another way – it helps us learn from the person we don’t like inside of us. This doesn’t mean that we should hate ourselves for uncovering traits we don’t like, but rather, it creates a powerful opportunity to bring our shadow sides into the open where we can seek the healing and personal evolution that wasn’t possible when they were hiding inside of us.

How do you feel about this article? Join the conversation.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone

Words By Pamela Bohan, RP, CGT

Originally posted on Darou Wellness

 

Related

Making Peace with our Shadow

Making Peace with Our Shadow

How to have a successful relationship with yourself

How to have a Successful Relationship with Yourself

Turning our Negative Reactions into Personal Growth

Featured

Why Our Understanding of Darwin’s Theory is Wrong

Simple Self-Soothing Practices for Finding Calm in Turmoil

A Practical Guide to Fully ‘Owning’ Your Life

Popular

Subscribe to UPLIFT

UPLIFT is dedicated to telling the new story of inspired co-creation.

Get free updates and news about UPLIFT events and films.

channels

Yoga
Wellness
Consciousness
Inspiration

UPLIFT

the yoga channel

http://uplift.yoga

follow UPLIFT on   

references

comments

Join the Conversation

2 Comments on "Using Projection to Understand Yourself and Others"

avatar
Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
wpDiscuz
UPLIFT Logo