Like a shattered vase, we can repair it with patience, but the cracks will always remain.
On the wings of love, the heart is a most formidable strength to being human, yet so fragile that many fear to feel or think with heart again once broken.
We can’t deny it, the strongest fundamental desire of any human is to be loved and give love because we are in essence, born out of love.
We all dream to be the sunlight for someone, but can we not also be the moon that brightens the way in the darkest hour?
No-one said love was easy, nor is there a guarantee that comes with love, but we all have the basic fundamental instinct to be loved and to love. It’s love in part that makes us human, fueling compassion, empathy, and passion.
When we are truly in love with another, the glow we carry is a beacon of hope for all to see but can also show a darkened empty cave.
So what is love really? That depends on who you speak with for everyone has their own version of what “I Love You” means.
“Love has been a favored topic of philosophers, poets, writers, and scientists for generations.”
For myself, I believe love firstly begins with the self and in order to fully and freely love another, we must first know how to accept, love, and respect the SELF before we can hold space with or for another.
In short, love has been generally defined as a complex set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs. With love, the feelings of affection, protectiveness, respect, trust, selflessness, and warmth (you know the one, that fuzzy warm floating feeling) are commonly associated with the love of another person.
Love is not just between humans either as it can also apply to animals, principles, and religious beliefs but between humans, it’s generally the strongest of all.
Many have fought and debated over the definition of love and most agree in principle, that love implies the strongest feelings of affection. Between humans, it can be difficult to tell the difference between love and lust because both induce an intoxicating rush of feel-good chemicals, but only one is long-lasting: LOVE.
Rarely is real love instant upon first contact and generally is something that is cultivated between two people over time. Over time, each gets to know each other by experiencing life’s many ups and downs together. A relationship of love involves acceptance, commitment, mutual trust, and time. As with every relationship, it involves two to tango (pun intended) but there’s a third element, the relationship itself. What this means is we are each wholly responsible for the efforts put into the relationships we keep, but only responsible for 50% of the health and success of the relationship between. This implies it’s not solely the fault of one or the other in a relationship that fails in general, except with the relationship of the self, for at the end of the day the choice of a smile or a frown upon your pillow is solely yours.
I refer to this as the “Power of Three”
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean, Tears from the depth of some divine despair, Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,… (from the poem “Tears, Idle Tears” Alfred Lord Tennyson – 1809-1892)
Speaking as a man through experience, for most of us the heart is seen as the weakest part of our person where rarely will you see a man crying or seeking help with emotions, just silence for the most part because we don’t want anyone to see our sadness out of fear, fear to admit being powerless because we are expected to be strong and resilient.
Most men were taught, and still are, to never shed a tear through upbringing, stigmas, and dogmas from within societies of what a man is thought to be. This is referred to as the man box. We can talk about sports, cars, politics, business, and building things, but when it comes to emotions many a man takes a direct nosedive within until they hit the ground. No matter the gender, heartbreak is heartbreak.
Gender differences in suicide rates is vastly higher among males than females among all age groups in most of the world; (known as the gender paradox)
For myself, shedding a tear was never the issue and I’m very ok with this, but it’s the feeling associated of being vulnerable that I hid from underneath and away from public viewing, even those I loved until it broke me inside out, tumbling into a self-destructive path where the tears became an unstoppable raging river of despair, disbelief, and dissolution.
Suicide is still surrounded by dogmas and stigmas today. Our societies are driven on stress from all angles, from the foods we eat to the air we breathe and we all seek reprieve within our relations of love. Rarely spoken in open circles, many a human has crossed the thought of ending pains of heartbreak and it’s not that we are failures, it’s because we broke to a point of no more…
I well remember the moment I found myself broken within walls filled with many a weary and broken soul as I, as my tears flowed a person visiting said “Be strong, you’re a man!” I blurted under my tears while a good friend holding space visited, “Tears take more strength than lifting a 1000 lbs and living my emotions doesn’t define me as being less of a man, they define me as being a perfectly-imperfect human and it’s ok to live my emotions freely!”
For the most part, we all find the strength to console and support those we love, we will fight and protect for love, we will sacrifice almost everything and anything for love, but when love breaks we can all become broken, cracked, and worn down from the mutiny of the emotional storm harbored within. No matter the identification of genre, the old saying “Love Hurts” has never been held so true.
At the end of the day, we truly are the only captain on the boat of life.
“Through death or parting of the ways, heartbreak is the most complex emotional pain to overcome for the memories can never be erased.”
We are all dependant on love, companionship, and sharing life. I firmly believe no-one can deny the inevitable fact that once you’ve fully and openly loved with all your heart and soul this above all will always be because memories will always remain.
“Holding space is not telling another what they should do or how to live, it’s about being present without advice to simply hear the tears of one’s most vulnerable state.”
NO ONE, whether family, friend, or foe has the right to tell you to move on or forget what lies within the mind of the heart. We’re emotional beings and there’s no escaping it. We can’t run nor hide from matters of the heart where we all simply need a listening ear at times, and hugs are always welcomed. This emotional rollercoaster we experience at times can be addressed in two ways, we can jump on in with two feet, or stand by the wayside and get dumped on. What I mean by this is once we embrace our emotional self it may get bumpy but we will become stronger as it’s the greatest act of self-love that one can offer towards oneself, acceptance.
What if the heart does not want to let go, what then?
If love was true, why should it?
The key is learning to live through the loss and finding acceptance with heartbreak. It will take the time it needs for the heart does not adhere to a clock nor is there a pill to fix it, and the most important love of all starts with the self.
I assure you that the hurt and pain will subside in time, but the memories, both good and bad will always be. Will you love another or feel the same love again? Only you can decide this but before you can love another again you must heal. Maybe your choice will be to not love another again and that’s perfectly ok, as long as you don’t forget the most important love of all, loving yourself.
As a man who has experienced the deepest realm of being broken, to the point where I had no respect of life for myself, I believe I can honestly share the truth of our emotional struggles because I’m still here today without regrets, shortcomings or fear with all of my memories. I can speak freely from the heart, being raw and real about feeling crushed, devastated, loss of confidence, lack of faith and courage, or simply said, BROKEN with one choice left …
“Get up or forever stay down!”
I’ve passed the grieving of those that have died in my life, overcome the hurtful words of the many, bared the scars of bullying, faced the challenges of mental illness of those I cared for and truly loved, and many more challenges too numerous to tell. But the challenge of loving another as a partner, friend, lover, and yes soulmate has been the hardest of all.
I believe in the soul of every human and the existence of souls that are meant to be forever bonded. I’ve felt and experienced it to a point that it gave meaning behind every breath and when parted, it still remains at the very core of my heart and soul today. I’ve accepted this will always be part of my life, for life is:
“Living In Frequent Evolution”
I’m not broken today, fragile yes, as the cracks remain and my heart still craves this love. I’m alright with this for the cracks are not of hurt now. These cracks are now the fondest memories of the love I shared with a very special woman.
I’ll forever be in gratitude for this love as it showed me the depth of my humanity through the grieving and rising with humility in remembrance of where I’ve been. Today I’m not ashamed, nor carrying guilt for my selfish act when at the depths of being broken but I’m certainly more grateful for life and slowly rebuilding one day at a time.
The heart knows no boundaries when it comes to love and to heal from heartbreak takes time, time to grieve, time to learn to be with the self, and time to mend the pieces because not loving the self is not an option. The core at the hand of heartbreak is the purest conviction of true love, not only for that of another but most of all, for the self.
I can’t tell you how to love but I can say you will love when you start
“Letting Others Voluntarily Evolve”
Because love is more than an emotion, it’s the evolution of life.