If You Love Her, Don’t Destroy Her

By Elyane Youssef on Thursday February 2nd, 2017

Loving with Awareness and Wisdom

If I ever loved a woman, the more I loved her, the more I wanted to hurt her. Frida was only the most obvious victim of this disgusting trait. — Diego Rivera

I know you love her.

If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be with her. But since you’re only a human being with variable emotions, you might be inclined to love her in all the wrong ways.

A healthy, happy relationship can transform into a destructive one if you treat her less than how she deserves to be treated.

Nonetheless, I hope you try to love her right. I hope you cast every ray of awareness upon your love for her. I hope you know that awareness is what keeps a relationship strong.

The destructive force of a relationshipA relationship can become destructive if you love her the wrong way.

She is Already Complete

I want you to remember how she looked when you first laid eyes on her. She was everything you longed for. Be it her beauty, her wild nature, her sense of humor or her independence, there’s something about her you haven’t found in anyone else.

And what floored you the most was her completeness.

If you love her, keep her this way. Keep her beautiful, keep her wild, keep her complete.

While she’s the master of her own fate, I wish you understood that you play a major role in her life. How you treat her determines how she views herself—you can make her shine or make her feel lost. She’s a statue in your hands and she only hopes to be held with vigilance.

The way she looks at herselfHow you treat her influences the way that she looks at herself.

Discover Her Every Day

If you love her, don’t destroy her.

Know that she was destroyed before and another destruction isn’t what she’s aiming for. If she’s with you, know that she has stepped over her fear and insecurities to be with you. She has stepped over her past and decided to give love another chance. She has entrusted you with the health of this relationship—and with her heart.

Don’t let her down.

You destroy her the moment you think you know her. She’s not a book you will eventually finish. She’s something yet to be discovered—so live every day as if you’re meeting her for the first time.

Discover something new about her every dayOpen your heart to discovering something new about her every day.

Avoid Emotional Absence

Be present. Nothing destroys her more than your emotional absence. You can sit with her all day long and not really be there, yet you can be so far away and be completely present.

Stimulate her thoughts, her emotions, her being. Dive into her soul like you’d dive into an ocean.

Know that you’ll wreck her if she ever felt you need her rather than want her. You’ll destroy every inch of her if you only love her when loneliness creeps up on you. Because she seeks your love in all moments, not just when your fears and insecurities strike.

Be completely present with herBe completely present with her when you are both together and apart.

Let Her Heal You

I know that your own past sufferings may have destroyed you. But don’t love her just so she can carry your emotional baggage with you. Don’t love her if you only want her to fix you. Know that she will, with time, without you even knowing.

Her love and existence will heal every part of you. But if you are with her solely to fill the emptiness inside you, she will know—and it will destroy her.

And remember, she doesn’t want to be fixed either. Maybe she opened up to you and told you about her painful past. Perhaps you know the exact number of pieces she was turned into. But she didn’t tell you so you would fix her—she only told you so you can know what she endured and how it made her who she is today.

She doesn’t want you to fix her because she is complete with all of her pieces.

Your Actions Matter

She wants you to acknowledge that your actions toward her—actions motivated by love, understanding and patience—are what matter.

Don’t treat her like a broken woman. She is complete with all her pieces, even though they may still be scattered everywhere. Embrace them with her—just don’t add to them. Make her see why she went through destructive relationships in the past. Make her realize that she went through the “worst” so she could appreciate the “better” that you are.

If you love her, love her with all her flaws and insecurities. She is as imperfect as you are and she only hopes to share that imperfection with you. She wants to undress her soul in front of you and be utterly herself.

Love her just the way that she isLove her just as she is with all of her flaws and insecurities.

Build Her Up

She wants to be the same way with you that she is in the mirror—crazy, wild and free. If you’re not ready to accept her as she is, you will destroy her.

If you love her, build her up because she will be doing the same for you. Know that whatever effort you put in, she will be putting in double.

If you show her the moon, she’ll show you the entire galaxy.

If you take her to a well, she’ll introduce you to the ocean.

If you treat her right, she’ll love you more.

If you love her well, she’ll never forget you.



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12 Comments on "If You Love Her, Don’t Destroy Her"

newest oldest most voted
If you love her Don’t Destroy her is a fantastic and truthful article. I almost broke down in tears as I read it. To understand that the woman and the man are complete already is the biggest truth that must be understood. Couples often make the mistake of referring to their partner as their “other” or “better” half. We are complete beings and must learn to honor, cherish and love each other from that place. When we understand that we heal each other as we heal ourselves is the other truth. Thank you for a beautifully written article and let… Read more »
Laughing Buddha
Laughing Buddha

I had tears streaming downy face as I read this, thank you for writing it.

Hannah Rowanwood
Hannah Rowanwood
I have to admit, the article didn’t sit well with me… which is a first from Uplift. It felt very one-sided and somewhat sexist. I tried reading it by switching between ‘her’ and ‘him’ throughout, but even then, it felt like the author was telling us we are capable of destroying another person, which I believe to be quite disempowering for the ‘victim’, and puts way too much weight on the other to be responsible for someone’s so-called frailty. Anyway, just thoughts that came up while reading… the individual points of aiming to be aware and conscious of one’s actions… Read more »
Anthony Gibbons
Anthony Gibbons

I totally agree – someone who is so fragile as to be ‘destroyed’ by her (or his) lover’s everyday actions is not ready to be in a relationship.

Tracey Dawson
Tracey Dawson

If you are able to destroy her, then she has invested too much in the relationship and not enough in herself. Being whole means being able to give oneself fully to a relationship without giving oneself away. And on the flip side, no one should have to bear the responsibility of providing someone else’s happiness. You are responsible for yourself. Period. Your partner is responsible for themselves. Period. In successful relationships, it’s the love for each other that makes it work.


I thought it was a good article, focusing on the lack of understanding of the feminine needs during a very patriarchal and masculine dominant time. It doesn’t necessarily mean the person has invested too much, is weak, not loving herself, but perhaps that the masculine has a bit of catching up to do to understand the feminine in themselves, and therefore outside.

Anthony Gibbons
Anthony Gibbons

Nicely said

Charmaster Dolph Cooke
Charmaster Dolph Cooke

Gilly Ocean




stopped reading half way