By the time I was 40-years old, a dismal track record of failed relationships led me believe that love was a literary fabrication, a fantasy perpetuated by Hollywood. Regardless, missing that fictional experience did not remove hope for me, for I felt a ‘need’ to continue my quest for a relationship.
In the mid-’80s, I found myself on a Caribbean island, with a wonderful high salaried teaching position, living in a fabulous villa with pool on a private beach facing sunsets over the sea. Wow! I was in possession of the most fabulous pick-up line, “Hey, (fill the blank), why don’t you come and hang-out in my Caribbean villa?” While I tried it a few times and it never worked, I did not give up.
One day, at the island’s yacht club, I met a lovely single woman that was sailing through the Caribbean with friends. After sharing lunch and a few drinks, I hopefully dropped my pick-up line. After a few moments of silence, she looked me in the eye and responded, “I can’t be with you … you are too needy.” While it momentarily knocked the wind out of me, I truthfully responded, “Thank you, I needed that!”
On the beach walk home, I pondered her life-shaking response. Too needy? I had health, money, a great job, an outrageous villa for a home. Over and over in my mind, I thought, “How come I can’t be happy with all the wonderful things I already have?” Rather than bemoaning the things I didn’t have, I began to focus on, and appreciate, the ‘gifts’ I already had.
In a short time, I was so busy enjoying my life that I no longer missed the need for a ‘partner.’ In the process, something magical happened, I began to love myself. Previous to this time, when I saw myself in the mirror, I would rattle off a litany of my self-perceived faults. Thoughts that I now recognize were self-sabotaging subconscious programs acquired in my far-less-than-ideal childhood. In a short time, I was able to look at my image and appreciate the positive characteristics I had acquired in my life.
In the process of rewriting my subconscious beliefs, replacing negative programs with positive affirmations, I experienced a magical transformation. Once I learned to love myself, life magically transformed from purgatory to Heaven-on-Earth. Interestingly, not ‘needing’ a partner led to an opportunity where many wonderful potential partners came into my life. The success of this transformation is expressed in the 20 years of experiencing the ‘Honeymoon Effect’ with my life partner, Margaret.
The lesson is profound: To experience LOVE in this world, we must first LOVE ourselves. Otherwise, our relationships are co-dependent in which we are dependent on the other partner for providing the love we seek. Interestingly, in belief-change programs in which I have participated, between 80 and 90% of all participants would not test positive for the belief, “I love myself.”
I wish for all of you that you can stand in front of a mirror, not be self-critical, and honestly acknowledge “I love myself.” Once your energy field is vibrating in the frequency of LOVE, through harmonic resonance, you will find yourself immersed in a world of peace, harmony and, of course, LOVE.