Love’s Deeper Commitment

By Jeff Foster on Saturday May 27th, 2017

Image: Troy Ozuna

Walking Alone, Together, Alone

Let’s not commit to a future together.
The future is so unknown, and we are so fluid, and tired of pretending that we know.
Our thoughts and feelings are ever-changing, uncontrollable, like a wild ocean of love.
Our desires wax and wane; our dreams are born and die in every moment.
Let’s not commit to a form of love. The forms are always shifting, like the tides.
We do not need security here.
We are not seeking comfort, but Truth.

Let’s make a deeper commitment; one that cannot be broken or lost.
To presence. To meeting in the here-and-now.
To bringing all of ourselves.
To knowing, and letting ourselves be known.
To telling the truth, today; knowing that our truth may change tomorrow.
To bowing before each other, even if our hearts are broken and tender.
No promises, no guarantees.
Loving takes courage! Yes!
For love is a field, not a form.

Love is a field, not a formLove is a field, not a form. Image: Jonathan Borba

Let us commit to the field, remember the field in every moment of our precious days on this Earth.
In ten years time, we may still be together. We may have children. We may live together, or live apart.
We may never see each other again. This may be our last day.
If we are honest, we really do not know; not knowing is our Home.
We may be friends, or lovers, or strangers, or family, or we may remain undefined, beyond narrative, our love unable to be captured in words.

Here at the edge of the known, on the line that once divided sanity from madness, and doubt from certainty, we play, we dance, we drink tea, we touch each other, we cry, we laugh, we meet.
We sacrifice comfort and predictability. But what we gain is astonishing: This tremendous sense of being alive…
A little raw, perhaps. A little shaky. Maybe a little disoriented, but perhaps this is the price of being totally free.

Maybe an old part of us still seeks mommy or daddy,
that Magic Person who will never leave, always be there, take away the loneliness repressed in our guts.
Loving that frightened part too; bowing to that part too, but no longer being controlled by it.

The wild Truth of the open heartOnly Truth will satisfy. A living Truth, the wild Truth of the open heart. Image: Everton Vila

And they will ask:
What about your future?
What happens if you have children?
How the hell do you define yourselves?
Why are you afraid of commitment?
Why do you run from security? Comfort? Future?
They will say you are crazy, or you don’t understand love, or you are lost, or you are unloving and selfish, and you will smile, and understand their fear…

At some point, only Truth will satisfy. A living Truth, renewing itself each and every moment, the wild Truth of the open heart.

When Love and Truth are One, when the Commitment is deeply rooted in the breath, we can finally face each other without resentment and explode into the most melancholy sunsets, held in the most profound joy.
Walking alone, together, alone.

How do you feel about this article? Join the conversation.




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33 Responses to Love’s Deeper Commitment

  1. Reading the comments and looking around in my neighbourhood, it’s as always ‘most people won’t understand’. So funny to see the part ‘And they will ask…’ immediately filled in by those in the comments, people who criticize while obviously not having been there. This poem is for the upper free, a place where humanity slowly, very slowly moves towards. Where Love Is and thus children are taken care for, thus fear is diminished, thus no longer distrust is nailed in contracts of other clearly not very lasting rituals of ‘commitment’. Who sees sees, who doesn’t see, doesn’t yet see.

  2. Love is commitment, dedication, endurance and mostly action.

    I’m sure you’ll feel love for many things, or I hope you do,
    but deep love comes through maturing not fleeting.

    I’m a hippy but I wouldn’t dedicate my life to all.
    As other aspects comes knocking: time and energy. I and nor does anyone else,
    have enough time for that. I take my responsibilities serious.
    But when it’s only a feeling then I guess, that wouldn’t matter.
    It’s the kind of love of a stranger passing by and sure, it’s better than hate but it still wouldn’t change anything in my life. Much like adoration from afar.

    Life is love, love is life; how can’t it change anything if not not devoid of depth.

  3. This sounds and feels like sophistry. Can we remember that our ego can instantly align itself with an aspirational or apparently desirable idea AND co-opt that idea for it’s own needy purposes, turning it in to a smokescreen illusion show… I am NOT saying that some of the ideas expressed in the piece have no value, only that vigilance is needed within to minimise the tendency towards selfish ego-driven behaviours. Are we sufficiently evolved for this?

  4. I see the poem as a guiding principle. The reference to field (“For love is a field, not a form. / Let us commit to the field, remember the field in every moment…”) may come from Rumi, an enlightened being who knew all about love and freedom and said, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” The poem is useful as an ideal to aspire to, but stresses relationships over the far more essential meeting of self with Self. Freedom has nothing to do with conditions. So one also can read it as the quest for love of self. We each must come to understand who we are; that knowledge is the field on which to meet and appreciate, whether in solitude or company.

  5. I am male and I also believe in commitment – commitment to grow together and not walk at the first hurdle. A commitment to share life’s ups and downs, as it’s only through the challenges that we do grow. Of course there may come a time when we feel that we need to leave a relationship, but the universe will show us when it’s time. These are times for spiritual partnerships, we need to grow fast as the planet is evolving, and relationships provide turbo charged growth. But only with commitment…..

  6. Love this article. I am a woman who has been blessed with everything, except a long term loving relationship with a man. I become an insane ego driven love addict when in a relationship and alas that never lasts. I love the peaceful stance that underlines this piece. Simple and beautiful. Not mine in this lifetime- I don’t think 🙂 but I’m always glad abs so happy that others find this beautiful and lasting form of love.


  7. A commitment that cannot be broken there is a commitment that is pointless. There is no need for it. We only make commitments when we have other options that we consciously choose to forego. Can you say to a child? “I’m committed to you as long as—fill in the blank. As long as you please me. As long as you’re young and cute. As long as you obey my rules.” What kind of commitment is that? Certainly not one that a child can rely on. And adults are only children with more experience. We hunger for a partner who chooses us–even when another option seems more appealing. To have someone in your life that you can trust to be there–because they said so–that is worth its weight in gold. No–more than gold. It is the currency of heaven. Love.

  8. It was a good read, but too idealistic to be a reality and like everything idealistic you can dream about it and try to approach it knowing that you can’t hold a dream for long. Relationship and true freedom are mutually exclusive concepts. When you enter a relationship you give up some of your freedoms voluntarily for other person because you love them. So, love is a joy because you give a joy and if both people are determined to give in spite of sacrificing your freedoms that’s how a successful relationship works.

  9. Beautiful! True love; real love; no pretence at playing a prescribed role. The love that awaits those no longer tethered by their fears or expectations…. or those of others. Its brave in our society but the only option if you follow both love and honesty, you just can’t promise love.

    • Exactly this. We live in a society where too many women are left to raise the children of men who do not commit to the life-long responsibility of having children. Don’t misunderstand, there are plenty of men who are left to raise the children but at least society pays them a wage that comes closer to covering the cost. How does one explain the coming and going of a free-loving parent to a child or children who need that love? This idea that adults can check in and out with the wind destroys the hearts and souls of young children pleading, begging, yearning to be raised by someone who loves them. This breaks children.

      • When one cannot define their relationship it brings insecurity and lack of trust leading to heartbreak . Shallow and emotionally degenerate. I agree with you Trish and Eva no woman could have written that. People do grow apart sometimes as we know but not always and I believe in commitment.

        • I do not think we need to waste energy wondering whether the author was male or female. I personally know males and females that could have written this.
          My understanding that this poem is ego and fear driven… I was once there… but reading all of the comments > especially the comment about “this breaks children” > i could not agree more.
          Relationships are the hardest thing we will ever do, or commit to. I believe if you feel you are always running away or cannot commit, it is due to a weakness in character.
          Running away and being free and single is the easiest thing in the world.
          To stay, work through, deeply conversate and communicate… that is where the gold lies. Once the excitement has worn away, is when real love begins.
          And this is what our children need, this is what the world needs… real love.

      • I think that young children also long for authenticity, for a parent who is true to herself/himself and doesn’t compromise their heart and stays in a relationship that is unloving simply for the child. Children are very sensitive and can easily sense that, can easily sense when a parent is not really happy and has given up their true heart (thinking that that would give security to the family). I doubt whether a dead human being, who has given up their heart and stays just for the sake of maintaing a (false) structure, can truly provide security and true life lessons for a child. I don’t think so, not in the real sense of security and learning. Her/his compromise might provide a superficial form of apparent security, but what message does the child actually get from such a parent? That you cannot truly be happy in this world. That you must sacrifice your true inner knowing for the sake of others, that you must abandon yourself for the sake of others, only then will will people respect. That is the message being conveyed to the child by such a parent (that stays despite knowing in her/his heart that she/he shouldn’t), isn’t it?

        And by the way, separated parents can still love the child deeply. VERY VERY deeply. and provide him a great deal of attention and security (which is what a child truly needs, isn’t it? real attunemtn and real listening, not a fake being there half heartely, out of compromise) I have seen it with my own eyes.

        In fact, it might actually be that a person who is true to themselves, true to their heart, and has left a relationship out of a deep listening to her/his real needs, can actually love a child in a much more honest and deep way, because she/he don’t live a life of compromise, but live a life of truth, and truth is never stable, is always changing, always growing (as much as we might not like it, but that is the way of the world – constant movement, there are no real guarantees, as upsetting as that may sound, but that is the truth, the actual way things are.)

        And lastly, I don’t really understand why would anyone want to forcefully hold on to another and imprison them when the other obviously isn’t happy in this situation. Of course, the best way is to truly communicate about it, communicate at the deepest heart level, with total and absolute honesty and transparency, communicate all the pain and fear and disappointment that is in the heart, to communicate without any pre-conditions (that one MUST behave a certain way), communicate with the understanding that both people are free and mature adults, and are not slaves to be held onto. Otherwise, if this is not allowed, then what sort of relationship is this? You can call it many things, but it is most certainly NOT a loving relationship, it is a relationship of compromise and of shrivelled hearts. Is this really the best environment to raise a child? with parents who don’t really love each other but force each other to stay together “for the sake of the children”? Do you think that deep down the child doesn’t know that, doesn’t feel that? What sort of deep message is the child getting here? What sort of guiding principle for life are we teaching the child by living like that (without love and without freedom)?…

    • I think only men can uphold the idea of fleeting sentiments and squander it about as love.

      Just as the promises made before they take you to bed, before the ring on your finger, when going to prison….

      Wallowing in sentiments is the new waste of life and waste it on him.

    • It’s very cool to see someone with the same two names.. never seen Eva Carmen before! Sorry very off-topic but it had to be said!

  10. The ego manipulation – wild love, wild game ….. so similar to social old schemes, only reversed :)) So many words does not look like not knowing.

    • Indeed. Presence and detachment are very important aspects of love. The exclusion of other forms and aspects of love is ideology.

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