177

The Sovereignty of Birthing Female Elders

By Star Despres on Wednesday March 4th, 2020

Image: Larm Rmah

Reclaiming the Ancient Feminine

This is my story of an unplanned and unchartered rite of passage. My journey of pain and anguish that led to deep insights about the nature of my own truth as a woman in these times. This is happening for me at a time of monumental change for women, some have called it the 4th wave of feminism, where we finally emerge back into our equal and rightful place. A time of readdressing a healthy balance where all beings have the liberty to sit in their full sovereignty. This is my gift to other women, and of course for men, as we are all learning to navigate this powerful transition into the new paradigm.

~

During an intense Full Moon several months ago, I made a vow to my womb. I promised to no longer abandon her and to finally face the darkness and wounds I had been hiding there for over twenty years. At almost forty-seven years old I am deep in the throes of the feminine mysteries and the complex experience of perimenopause.

In some way, I actually welcomed the descent as I knew it was coming. This journey would be one of those pivotal moments I’d look back on once I’d come through the fire – a turning point which saw me spiral very quickly into the dark void within. For months on end, I cried a river of tears. So many tears for the countless times I had betrayed and abandoned my true self. For the countless ways many cultures have betrayed and abandoned women for thousands of years.

Everything was up for questioning. My entire life intricately sifted through and offered to the purifying flames for release. Alone in the dark, I offered myself up for sacrifice and metaphorically burned again and again into the purification fire. Parts of myself that were not serving my evolution were set ablaze. This was no ordinary fire but what felt like an insatiable inferno, greedily devouring not only the wounds of my womb but also those of my feminine lineage, the hundreds and thousands of women who have suffered before me.

There were days and weeks where I feared I would rage for eternity; feared there would be nothing left. I flipped the bird at the patriarchy, over and over again, as shackles were unshackled and bindings unbound. What I discovered in the raging fire was how deep and old this conditioning runs. I met parts of myself that I thought were free and sovereign, only to discover on digging deeper they were still chained and enmeshed deep in the roots of an outdated patriarchal spell.

Alt text hereThere were days and weeks where I feared I would rage for eternity. Image: engine akyurt.

I consciously came undone and felt all-consuming anger, so much I thought it would tear me apart. I felt it for all the women who have been lied to, ridiculed, manipulated and tricked. The women who’ve been oppressed, repressed and suppressed. The women who’ve been tamed, domesticated, subdued and ‘toned down’. The women who’ve been made to play the subservient, servant and maid. The women who were persecuted for their wisdom and knowledge. The women that were forced to turn on each other to survive – a rift in sisterhood we are still healing. The stories we tell about what it means to be a woman and for all the silenced stories.

When the fire subsided, I found myself asking; where are our stories? Where are the stories of the wise women; the crones? Where in our culture are the powerful, inspiring, knowledgeable wise woman showing us the way? Where are the female elders, revered and respected? As I searched for these stories as a guiding light in the dark, I became acutely aware that in western culture, women have often been written out of the story once we are no longer productive ‘child bearers’. Our ageing bodies, silver hair and life wisdom are mostly hidden away, covered up, denied and coloured as we try desperately to hold on to our youth and acceptable place in society. Our true life experiences remain unshared as we disappear into society’s invisible wilderness.

I asked myself why this happens? The clear answer that came is a culture that worships the maiden as the only valuable representation of woman. As daughters of the patriarchy we still live within a society that bows down at the altar of beauty, youth, productivity and ‘doing’. I felt abandoned by society’s imposed story. And yet, this fire within me ignited a determination to play my part in healing and re-writing this narrative.

I’ll admit, it’s been hard and I could have easily fled (many days I longed to), yet I allowed myself space and the permission to feel all of it. I floundered, played the victim and cowered; at times overwhelmingly afraid of the darkness. I screamed and cried for all who feel unworthy and not good enough. And then one day, like magic, I awoke, changed.

I am not the same woman I was during that Full Moon. I’ve been reborn and I’m rising as a rebirthed phoenix from the ashes – purged in the flames. My wise, wild woman and primal, instinctual nature are no longer numb. She is alive and she is on fire! The fire is no longer burning to purge, instead it is a creative spark and unwavering light, glowing deep in my womb, ready to fuel change. This fire is the Light.

Alt text hereI’ve been reborn and I’m rising as a rebirthed phoenix from the ashes. Image: Julia Caesar.

What I now know is I will no longer tolerate being bound. I have valuable and useful qualities to facilitate lasting, positive change. I can be wild, untamed, unapologetic and unrelenting in my purpose. I am the expression and embodiment of fierce love, compassion, wisdom and a powerful light. My bones are strong and my blood has been purified. The holy grail of my womb has been cleansed and what was once was dry, drought-stricken terrain is sacred ground to a wild overgrown rose garden flourishing with life, wisdom and possibility.

I have cast away the lies and refuse to betray or abandon myself ever again. Deep in my blood and bones, I now know and trust I am a creatrix – feral, uncultivated, overgrown and free. I am a woman who runs with the wolves – a wild woman who leans into the ancient wisdom to heal myself and Mother Earth.

Waking into the light, washed clean once more, I have been effortlessly receiving potent and clear clarity on what it is that I am here to share. So, I have renewed my vow to be in sacred and loving service to the Goddess (a prayer I first whispered twenty-seven years ago) and to be in support of the healing and empowerment of the feminine on the planet in these turbulent times.

I have escaped from the garden with its white picket fences, suffocating neatness and stifling cultivated refinement, to instead walk the Red Road – the path of the wild unknown. To be in an alive conversation, a call and response to the NOW. I don’t know the specific details of what comes next and I don’t feel the need to. Instead, I choose to forever follow what lights me up and what is illuminated before me.

I know that there may be more dark nights to come, it’s the nature of the cyclic feminine and life itself. When that time comes I will be willing and ready once again to surrender and receive the gifts and sacred wisdom with my open, intuitive, wild-women heart.

So here I am with my silvers, a beautiful reminder of the initiation and rite of passage just journeyed.

THIS IS ME. THIS IS WOMEN. THIS IS THE TRUTH OF BIRTHING FEMALE ELDERS.

~~~~~

Beloved Women and Sisters (and of course all the men who adapt and support women in their sovereign re-emergence).

What are your experiences in reclaiming the ancient feminine as you gather the years around you? What alchemy have your drawn-down into to re-discover your innate strength and clarity? What has given you hope as you remember that it’s time to come home? Please let us know in the comments below. Sharing your stories infuses the greater and truer female narrative.

With so much love and blessings,

Star

How do you feel about this article? Join the conversation.

 

Related

CCcapturingMyEssence

Capturing My Essence

LiberationFeature

The Five Principles of Liberation

The Science behind Yoga and Relationships

How Yoga can improve your Relationship

Subscribe to UPLIFT

UPLIFT is dedicated to telling the new story of inspired co-creation.

Get free updates and news about UPLIFT events and films.

How will my data be used?

references

comments

27 Responses to The Sovereignty of Birthing Female Elders

  1. I am deeply moved by Star’s journey of Transcendence, Discovery and connection with The Flow…..

  2. I am deeply moved, Star, by your words, and by the words of these others here who have been touched and moved by your story. Deep gratitude to each of you.

    I spent years raging at the patriarchy, at the relentless oppression/suppression of our voices and our power.

    I feel I began to re-emerge as a crone at 60, when I had the good fortune to meet compassionate and powerful women and men in Israel and Palestine. each wanting what is best for their families and neighbours, each willing to work passionately toward a deep democracy based on equality, freedom, and self-determination. They make me recall a message I received around the same time:

    “Only those men, and women, who can fathom undertaking such a project, in themselves and in the world at large, have any hope of riding a wise, fully empowered horse on this next, greatest adventure.” (Merlin’s Spirit, The Way of the Horse: Equine Archetypes for Self-Discovery, Kohanov, Linda, 155-56)

    I continue to be encouraged and inspired by artists whose work sheds light on what keeps us separate and oppressed. In doing so, they also light up love.

    Wild Blessings and Gratitude for each of you,
    Lina

  3. “ I have cast away the lies and refuse to betray or abandon myself ever again”…. your beautiful words so resonate with me and I am empowered right now, joining with you and all of our sisters, arm in arm. For we are finding our voices, refusing to be silenced and the world will be better for it. Blessings to us all.

  4. Thank you Star for your impassioned article and the encouraging words to us who are older and now come to the path of the Crone. I would speak to Uplift.com however, and question why none of their illustrations for such an article are of the Crone but rather – apparently – the Maid. Just a thought …

    • Thanks Susan … it’s a fair point. We will be more inclusive next time. Thank you. Much love Team Uplift

  5. Thank you, Star, for your truth, your struggle and your growth. The strength I’ve had as a professional woman has come from several places – a family that loved and supported me, three brothers from whom I learned to stand up for myself; and perhaps as important as these, and which undergirds my whole sense of being, is beauty; the beauty of nature; the beauty of friendship and familial love; the beauty of kindness in human relationships; the beauty of hope, and so much more. Losing my hearing is bearable, but I believe losing my sight would take me down and I would have to use the discipline of memory to keep beauty close.

    • Thanks for your tender honesty … may you always feel the beauty that you see and your other senses remind you of your inner beauty. Much love Team Uplift

  6. BRAVA Star! Reeled thru millennia with you on your journey – currently I am reading & re-reading “Prayers to Sophia” Deepening Our Relationship with Holy Wisdom” by Joyce Rupp. Her 1st book of Divine Wisdom is
    “The Star in my Heart” I appreciate your sharing this journey with us & know that “Failure is Impossible” as in the words of one of our older Sisters. Thank You Star.

    • Thanks Mary Anne … We are in love also with the wisdom and the natural courage and the celebration of this article. Much love Team Uplift.

  7. Thank you for sharing. In my crone years I have become connected with a deep love and connection to the magic of trees and all they teach. Connection with these beloved beings calms me, grounds me and fills me with the strength to lead others on the path to healing.

    • May the world once again step into alignment to the Crones … what a more caring world it would be. Much love Team Uplift

  8. Hello Star,
    Thank you for sharing your journey, your struggle, your Rite of Passage.
    The Elders are here, the Wisdom Keepers, the Wise Women, the Crones. We never left, but many have been silenced. We welcome you into the Circle of Women, as you enter and claim your Right, your Voice, your Power.

    For many years I led Women’s Circles, then stepped back into the shadows when silenced. I too am just stepping back in. Many of us feel this great wave of change, this call to find our voice and share our stories, to step into this sacred circle, head’s held high, and look into one another’s eyes with love and trust, and to nod with recognition and acceptance.

    At 81 years I am grateful that we are here, together, calling forth the Divine Feminine from within ourselves. I hear you. Blessings.

  9. Thank you Star, a beautiful and inspiring account of your wonderful journey. I am in a very similar place in my life to you and have been finding ways to leave the past behind to build a better future for myself and others. Along the way I have taken a deep interest in Alchemy and how it can help me to grow into a stronger and more vibrant being, embracing both my feminine and masculine energies and attributes.
    It’s so refreshing to hear I’m not alone and I want you to know you are not alone either.
    Sending you big hugs and blessings

    • Hey Sol … the biggest gift of all is to cancel out anyone’s aloneness with belonging. Much love Team Uplift

Leave a reply