You’re insecure about your masculinity…
Worried you’re not enough of a manly man.
So when your girlfriend kisses another bloke,
You think it’s because of you.
Something you didn’t do right.
That you weren’t masculine enough for her.
When she decides to break up with you
the story you tell is:
The relationship ended and it’s all your fault.
And whilst it’s brilliant that your focus is on your part rather than blaming her,
still, you’ve missed the point.
It takes two to tango.
And she too played her part in the dance.
Whilst you’re busy judging yourself through critical eyes
I will lend you my lenses of love
So you can see yourself clearly.
You turned up as fully you as you could have in each moment.
You gave her all that you were capable of giving in each moment.
You loved her as best as you could have in each moment.
For it is impossible for us to do better than our best.
And when we know better, we do better.
The same way we learn how much following distance to leave
when we rear end another car,
so too it is with relationships.
There is no failure, only feedback.
Your next relationship, regardless of who it is with, will be enriched by this one.
It cannot not be.
Cuz we’re all here learning how to love more fully.
She is learning just as you are learning how to
Love self unconditionally and to share self authentically in relating with others.
So that instead of two halves forming a whole, two wholes collide.
This is the art of the Intimate Communion which your heart yearns for.
So don’t let your insecurities trick you into thinking you’re not worthy.
That you have to be more masculine or be better at protecting her
from the stories she might make up in the privacy of her own mind.
Love yourself fiercely first. Unflinchingly. As intensely as The Warrior within.
And you cannot not attract a woman who loves you like that too.
It is universal law.
And if you say “But I want that woman to be her.”
I will remind you that whilst your head might tell you that.
Your heart desires to be met with love as intense as you offer.
And in your gut you know it’s possible to love in a whole new way.
Not traded and transactional. But steadfast and enduring. Unconditional.
Though with boundaries and a strong sense of self.
Beyond masculine and feminine, this is integration.
And as an integrated man, see this experience as what it truly is:
an opportunity for you to witness your sorrowful stories,
And accept the parts of you you had previously been ashamed of.
Show up fully as your whole self and deepen your loving acceptance.
Here now in this moment, how can you witness and be with – withness – all that is?
This is how we move from break up to breakthrough.